TDLVSC 33
After dropping Jin Shiya, who seemed to have a lot left unsaid, back at school, Noland returned to his own place.
After a shower, he didn’t bother drying his hair, instead, he simply draped a clean towel over his head. Dressed in a bathrobe, he sat in an armchair in the corner of his bedroom, with a bottle of red wine, freshly opened, placed on the small table in front of him.
He wasn’t trying to sober up, nor was he concerned about the taste; he just wanted to drink something to ease his troubled mind.
Seeing Bai Yongyan and Jiang Shiyu today had been expected, but at the same time, it was out of his control. In his previous life, when he found out they were together, it had already been a year. At that point, he had someone investigate, and it turned out that they had been together for more than a year.
After being reborn, Noland had forgotten the exact timeline. He only vaguely remembered that it was around this time, and he had dragged Jin Shiya along, hoping to run into them, though he didn't expect much. But, in the end, he did run into them, and Jin Shiya found out about their relationship a year earlier than she would have in the original timeline.
Yet Noland still regretted it.
He didn’t regret meeting Bai Yongyan and Jiang Shiyu—at this point, they no longer stirred any feelings in him. As he had said, in his past life, Jin Shiya had worked for more than ten years but never earned the right to stand by Bai Yongyan’s side, so he didn’t care about them. In fact, Bai Yongyan didn’t even deserve to be in front of him; even his father wouldn’t make a difference.
Although it might sound arrogant, it was the truth.
Bai Yongyan’s family was indeed wealthy, one of the top entertainment and real estate moguls in the country. Since childhood, Bai Yongyan had been treated like royalty. But when compared to the centuries-old Harris family, who controlled vast areas in Northern Europe, their wealth seemed insignificant.
Still, Noland regretted it.
He had wanted Jin Shiya to wake up sooner, but when he saw the expression on her face, he realized that he couldn’t bear to let go.
Noland realized that in his past life, both Jin Shiya and himself might not have truly loved Bai Yongyan enough.
To truly love someone meant to be like the other person had said: you wouldn’t want to see her sad, as long as she was happy, that would be enough.
He lifted his wine glass and drained the deep red wine in one gulp before refilling it.
In the past, Jin Shiya had scoffed at this idea. Her belief in love was simple—she had to stand by Bai Yongyan’s side, no matter the cost. But even though she loved him deeply, she would never hurt him.
Thus, Jiang Shiyu, who stood beside Bai Yongyan, became her target. Bai Yongyan had begged her and even cried because of Jiang Shiyu’s injury. But when faced with Bai Yongyan’s tears, she remained unmoved, believing that once everything was over, he would no longer be sad.
In the end, Bai Yongyan drifted farther from her until they became enemies.
Even so, she never reflected on herself. The notion of loving someone and wanting to see them happy was dismissed as nonsense.
Yet, today, Noland suddenly realized that the deep love he thought he had was not enough.
Jin Shiya in the past loved Bai Yongyan, but she loved herself more. While self-love was almost a universal trait, Noland never realized how he had transferred his affection to the current Jin Shiya.
He loved her, not in a romantic or passionate sense, but in a way that was as deep as the love one has for oneself. And his love for her surpassed the love Jin Shiya had ever felt for Bai Yongyan.
So, when he saw Jin Shiya’s pale face and heard her suppressed sobs…
He regretted it.
